PULSION
by mimijag
Summary: AU / This story takes place somewhere around episode 2 or 3 of Season 2. Tom is leaving for the war...One shot.


_**PULSION**_

Sybil was standing near her window, her eyes seeming lost in space. But she was looking at the moonlight and at how the light was playing in the trees of Downton's park.

Her mind was elsewhere.

She was living the night again. The night she just spent with her parents and all the staff. Tonight, her father had organised a buffet in honour of the three of them leaving for war : Matthew Crawley, William Mason and Tom Branson.

Tom Branson...She had never felt so far away from him than tonight. Even when they weren't seeing each other for days because of their respective work, even when they had a fight, she had never felt that way : empty. She had always felt this connection between them before.

But tonight…

She had spent the night watching him, from afar… She had been feeling like floating in her own house, as if her body was there but her mind wasn't. She had just been a witness to these farewells, looking at her family and friends faking to have a good time…but their hearts weren't at it. For no one. Branson, or Tom in her own world, was leaving, like a lot of men in these days. Some had already left like Thomas… Things were changing, and fast, and everybody was dealing on their own. Personally, she was shutting down…slowly, but surely.

She had tried to be close to Tom again, particularly after their fight about what he wanted to do if he was called…but he was still pushing her away. With subtly not harshly. He was building walls around him and Sybil didn't have the key anymore.

Then it was time to say goodbye. Tom had hugged each staff's member and shake hands with her family, her receiving the same treatment as everybody else. No more, no less. That was maybe what hurt the most: him treating her like everybody else, without any thought about what they had shared, about their friendship. He had ignored her all night long anyway…So what should she have expected?

She sighed loudly, squeezing around her the vest of the green uniform she was wearing. HIS green uniform. She had stolen it from his cottage the day she learned he was called. _ "For the bad days, when I'll miss him too much"_, she thought then. Panicked to have felt him so far away from her tonight, the cloth smelling like him allowed her to feel closer to him…This way, she felt less abandoned. She would keep with her a little bit of him. Despite himself.

Tomorrow, he would be gone…and all she had was a shake of his hand. Yet, deep inside, she couldn't stop herself thinking that his coldness was calculated. Or was it simply what she hoped? It wasn't like him at all to act this way. Even after a fight, he had never showed so much detachment. When he released her hand tonight, during a few seconds, she thought to see a flash of tenderness in his eyes…But he looked away too quickly for her to be really sure. And she was already busy to preventing her own tears to fall.

She let her eyes travel on the park and that's when she saw him: his figure was standing under the big oak in front of her bedroom's window…But maybe it was just another hallucination? Like she had probably dreamt this lover/friend relationship they had for two years…

Later, Sybil didn't even move when she heard her bedroom's door being opened. What for? It was still probably her mind playing with her despite the tiny hope that was still lying at the bottom of her heart. If she had seen the truth in his eyes tonight, then he would come. Otherwise…

Tom didn't knock before entering Sybil's bedroom._" Act before changing your mind, don't think..."_ he was telling to himself over and over again like a mantra. He knew he didn't behave correctly towards Sybil tonight...In fact, if he was honest with himself, it had been that way for several weeks now. Since their fight, he had built back walls around his heart. Pushing her away was easier than to bear to seeing disappointment in her eyes. And more than anything, he didn't want to face another refusal. His heart wouldn't take it. He had proposed, she turned him down. End of the story or rather end of their love story. He could see the efforts she was doing to have him back but he couldn't let her near his heart anymore.

But tonight, he had been particularly cruel with her, not speaking at all at her except when forced to and treating her like any other member of her family when he had to say goodbye. He knew he had done it in purpose. Although he should have taken her in his arms, away from prying eyes and told her again that he loved her, he rather treat her with coldness.

To protect her. To protect him…To protect them.

He was leaving for France, hundred miles away from her so what was the purpose? Wasn't there a saying "Out of eyes, out of mind"?

Then, when he had been alone again in his cottage, away from the party, he knew he was wrong. This night should have been THEIR night. The one where everything was said without any reservation. The one where you should enjoy each moment spent together…the one of the last chance…maybe the one where you…

So he had decided to go to her and to make this night the one they would keep in mind forever until the end of their lives…whatever happen after for them...

As soon as he took a few steps in the room, Sybil knew he was really here. She could feel his presence in each part of her body, but she chose not to turn around.

Not yet.

She stayed there, gazing at the dark shadows outside, waiting for him to speak. She didn't know why he had come even if she secretly hoped that it was to say goodbye the way she deserved it…they deserved it. She personally knew what she wanted: him. And tonight was her last chance. And even if it had to be the only night they shared, she was ready to do everything she could to have what she wanted. For once in her life, she would fight for what she desired…even if it had to ruin everything else. She wanted HER magical night...

"Sybil ?"

Tom's voice echoed in the silent room. The Tension between them was heavy and Tom was beginning, as usually, to doubt about his decision to come here. He hurt her again tonight so why would she accept to forgive him…once again?

As he was letting his eyes slide on her figure draped in a vest he immediately recognized as his, he took a shy step forward and called her again.

"Sybil ?"

She still didn't answer but reached for the rope that was closing the curtains and pulled at it, cutting them off from the rest of the world. Then still so slowly, she turned at last towards him, meeting his look mixed with fear, sadness and…tenderness.

"I was waiting for you", she simply said softly before slowly unbuttoning the green vest.

Immediately, Tom's eyes changed from light blue to a darker one, full of desire. Like hypnotized, he followed with his eyes Sybil's hands that were slowly rising up towards the last button, waiting and dreading at the same time what she would do next. Unconsciously, he let his tongue dart out and slide on his suddenly dry lips to wet them and, when Sybil let the vest drop from her shoulders to the floor, he couldn't contain a groan...

The Night was all theirs...

Time seemed to stop its run then when Tom's look hooked to Sybil's one after slowly having slid on her body's curves. With a silent accord, they stepped forward at the same time without breaking the almost mystical connection between them.

Now, standing near the bed, neither him nor her was daring to make the first move, afraid to put an end to these few seconds of anticipation preceding the first kiss, the first touch… They both knew that, whatever happen, they would never feel again with such an intensity these butterflies inside of them, these quick beats of their hearts now completely bared. This tiny thing that was restraining them for two years now was about to break and there would be no coming back. Once the gates of their love would be opened, nothing could stop the storm that was awaiting them…except themselves and their doubts.

Tom moved first.

With a trembling hand, he caressed her cheek before letting it slid along her neck and her naked shoulder. Then, with a finger, he traced an imaginary line along her arm before rising up again to her shoulder. Under the exquisite caress, Sybil closed her eyes and shivered. Tom couldn't contain a little satisfied smile when she then bit her bottom lip as he was drawing his line again along her back, dangerously getting closer to her buttocks.

She was naked and he was still fully clothed. But he wanted to take his time: they had all night ahead of them even if it would be the only one. He wanted to savour the happiness to love Lady Sybil Crawley at last.

He carried on his hands game a few moments before finally letting them both slide along her arms and catch her hands in his. Surprised, she opened her eyes and simply smiled at him. He intertwined his fingers to hers before lifting her hands to his lips to kiss them softly. Then, as suddenly as he had caught them, he set them free and turned around Sybil to take place behind her, still without saying a word.

Sybil dreamed a thousand times about the way Tom would make love to her the first time. Sometimes it was tender, sometimes more rough and passionate. Well, she dreamed about it but with her limited knowledge about such thing. But never she would have expected that. She was sure he was experienced and an attentive man but it was so far more than what she thought he would be. It was going beyond her craziest dreams.

She felt him moving behind her, a part of his body always touching her and she understood he was undressing. Even if she was eager to know him in the biblical way, she loved more than anything this slowness and this tenderness he was putting in his gestures. He was taking the time to discover her, to make her shake…Her thoughts were interrupted by Tom's lips biting her neck and by his desire she could firmly feel against her buttocks.

And she couldn't hold a moan.

Tom's hot lips left a trail of fire on her skin and Sybil tried to turn around slightly to catch his head and direct it to her mouth to kiss him but Tom was faster and dodged.

"Not yet", he murmured into her ear before biting it.

Sybil shivered again, feeling his hot breath against her skin and she closed her eyes again, letting him lead the game. To be sure that Sybil won't try anything again, he slid his arms around her waist, immobilizing hers at the same time. His mouth still against her ear, he said with an hoarse voice :

"It's the last time you're gonna hear me tell you that I'm sorry for something I did to you. But I'm sorry for having been this way with you tonight and before that too. I don't want any regrets between us, Sybil…so just for tonight…"

Sybil turned around in his arms and opened her mouth to answer him but he murmured a « shush! » against her lips before kissing her like he dreamed of for two years. Pressed together, the kiss finally became desperate, each one realising they just had a few more hours together before their roads part…

...for just a few months if they were lucky enough or forever if…

Neither him nor her knew what would come from this night but they wanted to live their passion for a few hours without wondering what tomorrow would bring. They thought too much these last past years and they lost a precious time.

Their hands exploring freely the secrets of their bodies at last, they fell entwined on the bed…

The magical night had begun…

**The end**


End file.
